A trip to the doctor's
Dec. 17th, 2016 03:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
motherofresistanceWho: Closed log for Leia, Gray!Ben, and NPC Doctor Harter Kalonia
What: Ben has some medical problems that need to be addressed. Fortunately, the doctor is in.
When: The day after this thread
Warnings: Discussion of mental illness, self harm, and eating disorders. Angst and feelings. Possible discussion of canon-typical violence.
The night had passed, as it inevitably did. And when the day had come, there had been plans to make. Once she and Ben had woken up properly, she'd contacted Doctor Kalonia. Normally, she would have just walked in, but this was a more... delicate matter than a typical illness or injury, and she needed to request a private consultation rather than just a standard visit to the medical bay. Fortunately, being the leader of the Resistance gave her significant pull, and the request was granted for later that afternoon. Short of an emergency, they'd have the bay all to themselves.
Now, here they were, about to step inside. Leia had come with Ben, partly for moral support and partly because she wasn't certain how the meeting would play out without her presence. It had been hard enough for Ben to tell her about his symptoms and what he'd been doing as a result; it would be that much harder to explain the situation to a professional and submit it and himself for scrutiny, even compassionate scrutiny. If necessary or desired, Leia could take some of the burden of explanation off of Ben's shoulders.
"Ready for this?" Leia asked Ben as they approached the medical bay doors. Beyond them was their best hope of a resolution to Ben's difficulties and the potential for real healing. But still, she knew that stepping through them probably wouldn't be easy for him.
What: Ben has some medical problems that need to be addressed. Fortunately, the doctor is in.
When: The day after this thread
Warnings: Discussion of mental illness, self harm, and eating disorders. Angst and feelings. Possible discussion of canon-typical violence.
The night had passed, as it inevitably did. And when the day had come, there had been plans to make. Once she and Ben had woken up properly, she'd contacted Doctor Kalonia. Normally, she would have just walked in, but this was a more... delicate matter than a typical illness or injury, and she needed to request a private consultation rather than just a standard visit to the medical bay. Fortunately, being the leader of the Resistance gave her significant pull, and the request was granted for later that afternoon. Short of an emergency, they'd have the bay all to themselves.
Now, here they were, about to step inside. Leia had come with Ben, partly for moral support and partly because she wasn't certain how the meeting would play out without her presence. It had been hard enough for Ben to tell her about his symptoms and what he'd been doing as a result; it would be that much harder to explain the situation to a professional and submit it and himself for scrutiny, even compassionate scrutiny. If necessary or desired, Leia could take some of the burden of explanation off of Ben's shoulders.
"Ready for this?" Leia asked Ben as they approached the medical bay doors. Beyond them was their best hope of a resolution to Ben's difficulties and the potential for real healing. But still, she knew that stepping through them probably wouldn't be easy for him.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-13 04:28 pm (UTC)Having people to live for was much harder. He didn’t know how to be the son Leia wanted. He didn’t know how to be the friend-maybe-more Rey was seeking. She would do better to look to Poe or Finn. His mother would be better off if he kept a distance so he couldn’t disappoint her, but oh, how much he had missed her. He wanted nothing more than to be held by her like he used to be, back when he was a child and didn’t understand that people saw Anakin when they looked at him. His arms wrapped around her in return when she embraced him on instinct. She was small in the sense of being short. He was small in all the wrong ways, the wrong ways that felt empowering, like armor. People could leave, but he could drive the Force into him, into his body and mind, no matter who walked away or who stayed. He could be a person. For a long time, that was all he’d had.
He’d had to live for himself without ever truly believing there was a self to live for. Now that he didn’t have to, he wasn’t sure what other options there were. Luke was not an option the way that happy endings were not an option; Ben fully expected his life to end in some overwrought tragedy that was typical of the Skywalker family, to either die on the battlefield in glory or be struck down and succeeded by Rey.
“Uncle Luke knew,” he muttered softly, closing his eyes. He was there, couldn’t he have sensed it in the Force, Ben’s struggle to stay in the heat while fearing the burning heat? Ben had screamed when part of the ceiling came down, terrified of what he had wrought, fighting with Snoke in his head as the man told him to save himself and Ben’s Uncle was silent in the Force, unreachable, leaving him alone... “Or I thought he did. If he ever actually told me what was going on with him, that might have helped salvage things. But he didn’t. He still doesn’t. He never will. That much, I know.”
He wanted to argue about Luke ‘caring’ about him, but his curiosity at what memory she might think could salvage the incredible mess he’d made of their lives was overpowering. Begrudgingly, he let down his mental shields, enough to let her in, not so much he couldn’t throw her out if more of his unpleasant memories popped up and he needed to keep her from being traumatized.
“Alright. Show me.”